Verbal Vomit

So this post is going to have no pictures and it really is just going to be something that I need to talk about. Warning it has to do with my feelings towards my family here in Utah. I am so confused. I married into a family of many. Jonathan is the oldest of 9 or the 4th of 12 kids. Any way you look at it, that is a large family.

For some reason since I have been a part of the family, we have been excluded from many activities. I have tried to act like it doesn't hurt my feelings, but the truth is, it really hurts. I am living far away from my family and was excited about having a lot of new family close by. I am not sure if the reason behind us being excluded has anything to do with the relationship that his family had with his ex wife or if they just haven't accepted me.

So many times I check their blogs and see that they all have had a family gathering without us. The most recent was the Memorial Day BBQ. We were not invited, surprise!

I was raised in a large family, extended family included. Whenever we had a family gathering of any sort every family and person was invited. That didn't mean they could all make it, but we all knew we were loved and wanted.

I have struggled living in Utah. truthfully this state has chewed me up and spit me out. It is no secret that as soon as we can we are going to leave Utah. I think it makes it worse that I am lonely and have very little family support. I do have 2 brothers here and that is nice, but its just not the same.

I wish my new family could understand that we really do want to be part of the family. We have told them and they act like they understand. I really actually feel like they don't accept me at all and it makes me really sad.

Ok that is enough whining.