My parents talked with family about possibly being a foster family when I was 16. We talked about what that would mean and what "sacrifices" we would have to make. The sacrifices being that we would have to bring in new rules to the home that we all had to follow so that the "foster" kids wouldn't feel like they didn't belong. We all were very excited about it and as a family came to the conclusion that we wanted to do it.
Well we ended up getting two little boys. They are biological brothers and had a really horrible home life. At the time they came to live with us they were 2 and 3 years old. It was so much fun having little kids around again and we couldn't wait for them to have Christmas with us and to really feel like they were part of us. My parents had decided that if we indeed did this , we would do long term because it would hurt too much to have to give the kids back.
The 3 year old was always taking care of the younger one, making sure he had food, and that he had everything he could possibly need. I remember watching that and thinking how sad it was that he just didn't know how to be a kid.
As time went on they started to be more care free. They started calling my parents mom and dad. We referred to them as our little brothers. It was great. We definitely had our ups and downs with them and they had some counseling, but over all they seemed to be doing well.
Both boys decided that they wanted to be baptized and they were able to get permission from their Dad. So at the age of eight they were both baptized and confirmed. It was so cool. Their biological father had commented on how the boys were lucky to be in such a good and stable home.
Well the teen age years were trying as they are with all teenagers. Because their dad was still in the picture my parents had to wait until the boys turned 18 to see if they wanted to be adopted. The oldest boy whom we had, had the most trouble with didn't even think twice about being adopted. He said yes, was adopted and then sealed to my family. He is now on a mission and doing great.
The second boy however has broken my family's heart. He said he didn't want to be adopted and that he wanted nothing to do with the church. Ouch. I have really tried to stay neutral and let him no that I love him no matter what. However he is so cruel to my parents. It is such a horrible feeling knowing that he doesn't want to be with us and that he wants to live in away that is against everything he was taught.
I keep trying to be positive for my family about how this will all turn out, but it is so hard. I want to cry and scream at the same time. I guess really this is maybe a minuscule part of what our Heavenly Father must feel as he watches his children destroy themselves.
3 comments:
I have 5 brothers and 1 sister that are adopted. My oldest adopted brother was 7 years old when I came to our house. He remembers a lot of things from his childhood up to that point that weren't so great. I remember when he first came to our house as a foster child and how excited he was to be a church boy. Now he has made some decisions that have put him in a detention facility until he's 21 most likely. He will be turning 18 this year. He chose to do drugs and has said many hurtful things to my parents, My parents are able to visit him once a week but none of us can go and see him. He has lost many of the freedoms he should have by making the choices he makes. The biggest thing I hope is that he has really learned from his mistakes and doesn't make them again when he gets out of the detention facility. I don't know how he feels about the church now but he had a very negative attitude toward it the last time he lived here. He seems to be on a better path and keeps it up. The best thing to do is prayer for your brother and hope for the best. I think of him and all my other adopted siblings equally my brothers and sisters as the ones that aren't adopted and love them just as much. I am grateful to have us all sealed together as an eternal family and hope and pray that we will all do what we need to do so we can be together as a family forever.
I didn't know that about your family. I think that is awesome how well the oldest is doing and so sad about the other. No matter what he chooses, your family provided him with love, security, and a family when he didn't have those things. Even though he has been hurtful to your family, I am sure that it really has nothing to do with your family but more to do with his own pain and loss with his bio family history.
You know we adopted a child right? I've often wondered if we would ever foster. I don't relish the thought at the moment because of all we have going on now but things will slow down here at some point so I'm not ruling it out.
One thought that really got me thru the scary stuff with Chloe's birth family and just wondering how it was all going to play out was that every child is a risk--be it foster, biological or adopted...or whatever. Just because the child is from your actual gene pool doesn't guarantee anything. Any array of things can still go wrong, that's the catch with free agency! You just teach them the best you can and hope to heaven that they make good decisions. But at the end of the day they do have to make their own decisions. It's hard when they are making bad choices but you also have to remember that he is still young and has many, many lessons to learn still. He most likely will come back around at some point-when he's older and realizes the magnitude of what your parents did for him. Remembering the way he's acting now will break his heart.
Anywhooo...I'm babbling again! Hang in there.
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