Wow two posts in one day. What can I say, that's the way I roll. I don't post for a while and then am extremely verbose and have to write to separate blogs in one day. Good times, don't you think?!?
I had a very interesting conversation a little while ago. I was talking with someone whom I am very close to. She made a comment that she never could understand how a mother could abuse her own child. Then she had a day where she had hit her limit and was able to see how a mother could hurt her own. Have no fear she put herself on time out and no child was injured. She is a great mom.
That brought up an experience I had a while back. A friend of mine works with teenage perpetrators. She has had me come in numerous times to talk with these kids based on some of my past experiences.
The first time I went to meet the teens I was set to hate them and see evil monsters. As I looked at these monsters I looked into the eyes of young scared teenagers. What the?!? I kept trying to hate them and I just couldn't in fact I felt love for these kids. How is that possible.
These kids shared their stories with me, both telling me what they had done and also telling what had been done to them. My heart broke. I left a bit perplexed and not knowing exactly what I was feeling.
I few weeks later my friend asked me to come back to talk to one particular boy during his therapy with her. I agreed and was again set to hate this kid. When I got there sitting across from me was a very handsome young man. When he looked in my eyes all I could see was pain and I really just wanted to hug him.
At the end of his session I did give him a hug and I started to cry. I guess I again only felt love for the kid. I in no way condoned the things he had done but he was and is still a child of God. That's when it hit me. We all walk that fine line. I don't care who you are. The thing is somewhere in my life I made different choices that sent me down a different path. The thing that stuck out to me was that I could have made choices that would have put me in the same place that this kid was.
I had always tried to make a villain out of people who do bad things. But guess what...Life is not black and white. There are definitely bad things that people do but really there is a whole lot of grey out there. This was a huge aha moment for me.
4 comments:
I loved this post. And I so get what you are saying here. First, the abusive mom thing. I, too, have had those thoughts...how could anyone every abuse their children? And then, I became a mom and realize that we all have those days when the kids are driving us crazy and I have actually thought to myself, "I get it now. I understand how children get abused." The difference between me and a mom that hits or abuses is that I have had a life of learning coping skills, of gospel principles, of education, etc. and I have learned how to react differently. I definitely don't condone it, but I do get it.
Now on to perps...I have heard some horrendous stories in my profession and I have equally felt love and compassion for the perpetrators. You are right...they are children of God, too. When you just hear about WHAT they did...you hate them. When you meet them and look into their eyes, you have compassion.
I think that is awesome that you have gone and volunteered with those kids. Sounds like it was life changing for both them and you.
You rock!
Jeanette again...
People aren't bad per-say, they make bad choices. They have bad upbringings with no guidance or the wrong guidance. They are abused so they perpetrate abuse. I have always been able to see the human side and the empathetic aspect of people (especially children) who perpetrate crime, but I believe that no matter what happens in life, there are choices and consequences. I believe that no matter what was done to them, it does not excuse, nor does it make sense to execute the same abuses on others. They know how it made them feel to be vulnerable or hurt. Why spread that to others? There is a voice inside almost everyone's head (Of course exceptions of persons with psychosis or other inherited psychiatric disorders) and that voice tells them that "This is WRONG!" "Don't do this!" It's unfortunate how many people are capable of ignoring this voice. Even as teenagers, when the capacity for rationality is virtually impossible, the humanity of how we treat others should be fairly evident.
This blog was AWESOME Julie. Thank you so much for your perspective on this topic. I am not sure if you know, but I am a social worker, and one of the first jobs I had was juvenile deliquent counseling. It was such a "hard" job, because I was to deal with the "rejects" and the "throw aways", but in the end, I gained SO MUCH RESPECT for the kids I worked with. I think my lesson so far, is that NO ONE SHOULD JUDGE...FOR A REASON!!! We dont know everything. We cant understand everything!
Thanks again for this entry...it was AWESOME!
Not to make light of or dismiss a serious topic or anything, but are you ever going to update your blog?
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